Saturday, May 24, 2014

"Below the Belt" - A Genital Piercing Mishap to Brighten Your Day!

After 20 years as a body piercer, you can well imagine I have several  accounts of piercings gone wrong or not as hoped due to very eccentric customers. Just for the shear fun of it - as well as to make you feel better about your job choice - I have chosen this tale to share. The client featured in this blog entry I encountered working in Sacramento during the 1990's:
Mid 1990's logo and ad
I used for my piercing business

Midweek- easy going afternoon. Tattooers are busy. Sounds of the old wood staircase leading from the sidewalk to front door of the shop making loud groans. From the volume of creaking I surmise a large sized customer is making their way inside. Heavy oak door swings open to reveal a middle aged black woman dressed in a purple pants suit. She had the appearance of a gospel singer - not our typical tattoo shop customer. Automatically my face assembles my toothy, professional piercer smile. As I start to form a verbal greeting in my throat, the woman yells:

"You all pierce Pussy's in here?"

Taken a bit back by the question, and quite honestly, WHO  is asking the question - I proceed to stumble out a meek "Yes Ma'am."

"Well then, Lets get about doin it!  - my new customer somewhat shouts to the empty lobby. 

Gathering my composure I manage to go through all the necessary paperwork, decision making - like her chosen location of piercing (clitoral hood), which jewelry is appropriate (captive bead ring), etc. Paperwork completed, her questions answered - we step back behind the velvet curtain to carry out her body modification wishes.

Client disrobes from the waist down, then makes her way onto the massage table. At my request, she pushes her knees apart. I sit down on my stool , positioning my supply tray at this "business end of the table" - then I gingerly begin prepping her skin for action.

Completing all the preliminary cleaning and marking I next apply the clamp. As my client registers this bit of pinching discomfort her breathing becomes deeper - like she is bearing down the give birth. I try my very best to utter some soothing words with simple direction to keep up normal breaths. I pick up the lubricated needle from my tray. Making sure to hold it at just the right angle. I apply just enough pressure to begin the entrance hole.....................

"HOLY SHIT- GOD ALL MIGHTY!!!!" the lady screams.........

Thrusting her midsection off the table, the woman grabs her ankles - letting out a shrill shriek - then the worst happens:
Early 1990's business card of mine.


her powerful knees come crashing together with lightning speed - directly striking each side of my head - my ears, bearing the brunt of her uncontrolled reaction - ring loudly as my eardrums explode with a crackling boom!

 Stars explode before my dazed eyes. All air in my lungs suddenly blasts forth from my mouth- cannot   catch   my   breath!   My field of vision narrows to a vertical slit. For a hurried moment I worry I may topple from where I precariously sit. Finally the customers knees slowly  begin to move back outward again....freeing me from her clutches.....

"Ain't Cha Done Yet ?!? - the clients hollers out to me from where she still lies. Panting for breath - the stars dissipate from my eyes. My ears still ringing from the knee blows to the head. As I regain my composure I realize the piercing needle is incredibly still where I left it! I had managed to push 3/4's of the way through the planned route before being clobbered... 

"Mam - Please allow me one moment to continue..- comes meekly from my mouth. Slipping on a fresh set of latex gloves I gather my senses - say a spell/prayer to properly carry on and finish this gig....

Leaning back on my low rolling stool as much as I dare - I apply  firm pressure to my needle and tools... end of the needle exits....her knees lean in toward me....*feeling scarred I might get wacked again - I raise my elbows into the area bewtwwn her thighs to protect my head*.....reaching for the jewelry.....quickly following the needle with the bead ring........all I hear from the other end of the table is heavy breathing....I close the ring in record time: ZOOM goes my rolling chair across the studio, away from the danger zone! WHEW..........My autopilot finished the bits and pieces of the transaction.

She ignored the entire event. Said not a word- as if nothing out of the sort took place. So strange! No apology or tip. Just gathered the care product, instructions - paid her bill then off she went.......